How to Trust People You Don’t Like

How to Trust People You Don’t Like

This was the podcast I was listening to as part of the requirements of my leadership project in my Arizona LEND internship. As part of this experience, I was asked to provide feedback and share my views on different podcasts I listened to during the semester.

Apart from my professor, who is the primary recipient of my feedback, I decided to use this platform not only to share my views, but also to invite you to navigate these reflections with me and listen to the podcast How to Trust People You Don’t Like (link shared at the end of this reflection).

Navigating deeply and listening to this podcast made me reflect and compare it with my personal experience as a principal. These podcasts truly caught my attention and curiosity, not necessarily because I have many people I don’t like (smiles), but because I think it is courageous and essential to discuss these topics openly. These situations may happen, but we don’t know how to deal with them.

I will share my experience working as a principal in an early childhood center in Mozambique, with around 187 children and 24 early childhood educators. I felt resistance from some of my early childhood educators when I arrived. The resistance came from the majority, who had been working there for a long time, and influenced the environment in a way that created barriers to my leadership. They didn't know me; they'd never heard of me, but the challenge was already built because the feeling was that I was taking the chair of their previous principal, who was actually going to retire. They were attached to the previous principal; therefore, they were looking at me as the reason why they had to change the principal, which was not true, and for this reason, they didn’t like me. But the truth was, I just applied for a position that was publicly announced in a newspaper, and in reality, I didn’t even know who had been there before, nor did I know the dynamics of the institution.

Based on the topic in discussion, I thought it would be interesting to share the main points that I believe influenced the level of trust the educators had in me, or their lack of trust, which were in my opinion:

 a) my age (they were looking at me as a young lady, perhaps without experience);

 b) the fact that I was a stranger to their system;

 c) that I was an outsider; and

 d) that I had my own way of doing things.

I believe all these aspects influenced how I was perceived and understood.

This made me think of one of the examples I heard in the podcast about astronauts from different countries having to become one team; even with their different approaches,characteristics, and origins, they had to work together for a common goal. Another example that is linked to the reason why I share my experience was also the example of an astronaut who was not used to working with women, which caused him discomfort and, consequently, trust issues. Still, they had to find strategies; I did the same in my environment. I had to think about how to bring my team together and build trust so my ideas and plans could be implemented.

Solutions

I had to come up with solutions that involved:

 a) team building;

 b) confidence; and

 c) cohesion.

This was the solution to bring my team together and create an early childhood center of reference in Maputo Province, the capital, and in Mozambique. I led two team-building sessions: one in Maputo Province and another in a different province, where we all traveled together as a team, early childhood educators, administrators, pedagogical staff, cooks, cleaners, everyone. I took my team to a place where we could stay together for three to four days, get to know each other as individuals, understand our organization's goals, and, most importantly, learn how to serve our children and their parents. Through games, discussions, in-class activities, and outdoor exercises, we built a cohesive, trust-based team.

Voice of Authority

One example from the podcast that stood out to me was in medicine. Sometimes, in hospitals, a nurse may choose to speak with a trusted colleague rather than speak directly with the doctor above them, simply because of trust.

At the same time, when we think about ourselves as patients, we often look for an authoritative voice.

If I go to the hospital and I am sick, I trust that person not because I know them personally, and not because I know the doctor as an individual, but because I know the position they occupy. It is a position of trust. It is someone who studied that field, who learned how to cure people and treat diseases. That person is in a position to help and support me.

Another point related to the voice of authority is that trust helps us avoid chaos. If I trust someone, my behavior changes. For example, if I am traveling with someone who drives well, even on an eight-hour trip with difficult roads, I can sleep during the journey. Most of the time, our actions and behaviors are connected to how we feel about the person next to us. Trust creates calm, safety, and stability.

Trust Is About Competence

Trust is also deeply connected to competence. Using the medical doctor as an example again, we trust professionals because we believe they know what they are doing.

In my experience as a principal, I had to show my team that I knew what I was doing. I had to demonstrate that bringing the team together, traveling together, and engaging in team-building activities could help us build a different environment in our institution. We could grow together, clarify our mission and vision, and define what we wanted parents to know about us.

Over time, this changed how my team saw me. We started to become one of the most sought-after early childhood centers. Families wanted to enroll their children in our school. Competence, when demonstrated consistently, became a foundation for trust.

Environment of Respect

A respectful environment is essential. I learned that when there is a respectful environment, it becomes much easier to build trust. It is a space where people can be vulnerable, show who they really are, and how they respond to different situations.

Often, students, professionals, and individuals face many challenges at home, but we don’t know this because we haven’t built an environment of respect, understanding, and listening. My point here is that someone may perform poorly not because they are unmotivated or incompetent, but because they are carrying heavy personal struggles and don’t feel safe enough to share or ask for support, but if we build an environment of respect, where we embrace vulnerability and recognize each person's strengths, it becomes easier to create spaces where people can work, grow, and succeed together.

Final Reflection and Invitation

These are the main points I reflected on from this podcast:

• How to trust people you don’t like;

• How to find solutions in challenging leadership situations;

• The role of the voice of authority.

• The importance of competence; and

• The power of an environment of respect.

  
  

🎧 Podcast reference:

How to Trust People You Don’t Like – YouTube

https://youtu.be/wKH4ry2dHjo?si=vnq3G1p19Bosq__1

I would like to invite you to listen to the podcast, reflect on it, and form your own perspective. If you’d like, feel free to come back to my website and share your feedback or reflections on what stood out to you.

Vanessa Macamo